Is it a progress?

Well, I dont know how to start to write it, but yesterday I called her, not a long call, but it is quite good of progression, I think. But I dont quite sure, it still quite seeing tru the fog, unclear. At the night, I message her that I miss her exactly, therefore I called her. I also get conclusion that she likes to fake something, or unfrankly to me. Too many reasons she told me, and I dont know if she is truthful or not. Who knows? Only her.
Uh... the message exactly kind of weird I think. She didnt reply me either. Thus, still dont know if she likes it or not. If she like it, then it's ok, good. But, if she dont like it, well, I'm doom. I hope not the second one. Well, not much words come out from my brain right now. I hope everything is OK. Good progress and connected. GBM.

What is looks is not always what it seems

*sigh* actually, what it looks always not what it seems. I think I need to rectify my previous blog, that she is not what she is. My fren told me that I was wrong in the sense of I was never open minded and never talk out what exactly on my mind to other. Well, actually I am. I need to change and the change is will be tremendous. I need change, a big one. Well, it seems that what I already read in previous astrology (I'm sux, I know) already tell me that. Telling me that I need to redone many things to make everything ok. But, it seems I'm too stupid to realize that, and didnt catch what it means. I too shallow. I dont think whether I still have chances or not. It is already the second chances, but I blew it again. Way too stupid. Too stupid and dumb.
Communication is the key (as many people said that, but i'm too stupid to agree with it), as many problems can be solved tru communication. Open minded, grow up, realize what we already done, if it is wrong, correct it, and prevent it will happened again.
I also feel sorry to my parents too, as I'm too stupid to think about future. Cant think what we must do to carry on, make it a better life (like what Philips said), and I just being way taking this life too easy for me. They already do their best to help me, but I'm just too stubborn that I'm always right. Never heard about others perspective. That's why, it is only me who cant go on, as I saw all my fren already become what a man are. I'm too dependent to my parents (that's sure), and I barely need to change. I NEED TO CHANGE.
And about that girl, well, I think I'm way too wrong (in the 1st place, I think I didnt wrong at all until today). I'm too easy going. Always making perception that it is only me who can solve my problem. I'm so damn wrong. At this point, I just realize that. I dont know if she still can forgive me and giving chance (not chances, please note that!!!). But, I know the chance are slim. If she can forgive me, I sure want to correct my errors, rectify it and make sure that will be never happened again.
I always think that BR is think too simple, but I dont realize that I did too. I need to take back my words and perspective about my fren, that he is nasty or whatever. I'm sorry, I really mean it. He is a fren in need is a fren indeed. He really is (although he is a little nasty). Well, today too much information I get, I will ensure that I can chew them all, at the right taste. Be open minded, communicate with other, do changes, and hope that everything will be OK. Dont be mentally down, as almost every problem has solutions. (I know how to think like that in a technical words and works, but I'm so slow to realize that it is also work in real life). I still hope God would forgive me. And still giving me chances to correct my mistakes. GBM and others!!

At last, I know THE SECRET!

Well, I think what I need to know already revealed by my fren (damn he is so nasty). He didnt tell me the truth things about 'that' girl, that she already had a boyfren. I mean in the serious tone. He want me to steal 'that' girl from other. God, he is mean and nasty. I shouldnt try to approach her again when I know that. That's why today I got a little frustrated but also relieved. Well, I know at last that she is over now, it's over, buddy. Dont do that again, especially if you write blog again, hope I will always remember. She is poison ivy. When touch her, you died. No more.
I'd go to KTV today with not-so-close-fren. Well, went there to meet my ex-collegues. They are all crazy. Oh god, they really are. I think I'm a very different person when I meet them. You see, someone can be very different in a certain situation. I think I should get that into my mind.
Well, I'm not going talk about 'that' girl no more. However, the girl that I used to flirt her showed again, maybe she is with her father. I dont know. But, I think she likes me. Well, I just assume that. Is it true or not, I dont know. She tend to shy when I look at her. Uh... a little bit out of mind, eh? Dont care anymore. Go for it! Ganbatte!!! GBM!!

An Absolutely Brand New Start (No Bull)

Well, I think I'm gonna make new start, meaning that I will forget the past, especially several things that disappoint me. There's so much thing, from jobs, to love life. What a long and boring things. I will not really pursue lovemate anymore. Why? Everytime I start, there is always something stuck in the process and cannot move on. It is hard for me to continue life like this. I think I'm gonna concentrate to the job things. Without any jobs, I hardly can live. Depend from my parents is not an option. Thank God, I got a very understand parents which still transfer some money into my account, without noticed me. Without their money right now, I absolutely cannot pay the bills. Oh, thank goodness, I still have people who loves me. I just realize that, while still writing this blog.
Beside that, I just want to emphasize that 'that' crazy girl is not an option anymore. She is no good at anything, beside just to lure. I admit that I fall for two times. Broken for two times. And I want to emphasize that I DONT WANT TO APPROACH HER ANYMORE AT ANYPLACE. SHE IS ABSOLUTELY NOT YOUR DESTINY (although, I dont really believe in destiny things). She approach me, she make me drunk, she dump me. What an asshole.
At this evening, I just meet girl that I flirt her at several weeks ago. Well, she looks like liking me, but I dont know, if that is wrong impression or what. Think that I can get her close to me, if I was approach her at that time. How stupid I was. Although she is not that good, but why not gamble for unsure things? Right?
I wanna ask to God too, Why bad things go to good peoples? I cant find out the answer in this world, I think I just wait till the time reveal it to me. I just think good peoples deserve good things. It seems unfair, but maybe God testify the good peoples whether they are truly good or just acting good. Hm...... I hope that my life will be better soon. I really really hope that. GBM!

Award for dumbest of the year!

Yeah, I should got this award for sure. Fall in someone's trap for two times, and heartbroke two times. What a dumbass. What exactly she is trying up to? I really dont understand. I really sux. Hoping for star falling in my feet twice. What am I thinking exactly? Am I dreaming again? For two times? With the same person? In the same condition? With the same result? Oh, God, please.... no more test for me. It is just too hurting me. I feel broken, unspiritted. If you want me to forget her, why you still offer her as the bait? Why, oh why? I just trying to get up straight, trying to walk up hoping for brighter future, but why still tease me with Your punishment to me? That is too much for me, I can't bear it. If You still tease me like that, I'd rather die, than to bear that feeling again. Why this happened to me? You know I looking for 'the one', but keep tease me with someone that already broke me is not a good reason to stay alive.
For God sake, I REALLY fall for her two times. And I dont know what am I need to do. Confuse, brokenhearted, defeated, are just several words about me. There are some more to come. If You love me, please, end it, or continue it. That is just my only pray to you. Please, help!! GBM!

What Where When Who?

Well, that is the most questioned in this world. Two days ago, I got sms from 'that' girl. Shocking! Yes, in deed! I dont know what is her intention, or why. My fren lie to her that I am blah blah blah, too sux to mention here. I dont know if that's her intention. I'm too frustrated to think about that.
Beside that, today I sms her too. Well, shocking, the reply is still warm, welcome, and kinda 'fun' thingies. Damn it, I really need to question her. But, still too early I think. My feeling is not happy, but I become like doubt, and still questioning her intention. Man, if I know what is her intention, I would be more happier. OK, what if I attracted to her, I play the games, and suddenly she shows what she intend in the end. What should I do? I will be brokenhearted for the 2nd times, and that's for sure. Damn it, if only the problem is only like getting result of 1+1. Human relationship will never be easier in this world. Too much nonsense, and ego, i think.
Another nonsense is PS3 will they be sold at $500? Uh-uh.... no way, it is very cheap, I think. and that's not make any sense. As the technology of the same hardware is supposely more than 1K bill. What a nonsense statement they make on the newspaper. The situation is like a song by Simple Plan titled 'Crazy'. Too much nonsense and lie in this world, can't bear it. Must be stopped! GBM!

What are they thinking?

What a surprise 'that' girl message me. Well, i'm kinda shock, but I know that is not she intended. There are other hand that getting in. And the most suspicious is my fren. What are they thinking? What are on their mind? Heh? I feel sux. Think like I am a sucker who always being bullied by other. I can be a meanie too. Really. And what the hell is she thinking too. Trying to break my heart again? No shit! I will no way to fall into the same trap again. No shit. I going to get what they over, that's it. No giving my lunch to anybody again. That's painful. Too painful to flashback. If you want me to play your game? OK, I will follow your game, but no offence when it will never look like what you wish for.
I still dont understand what she intend to. Today is like sun being surrounded by black clouds. Black and uncertainty. But, who care? Not me for sure. GBM.

Oh, is that fate? No, i guess not!

Ah... it's been a while I didnt post a blog. But, there's no amazing thing that make me want to write it down to the blog. OK, today is different. Yes, absolutely different. Today, 'that' girl is showed up in my fren's store. Well, it is not such an amazing things or what, and it is normal, that every sunday that girl showed up, I dont know to chit-chat or do whatever she likes in that store. But, but... today is different. I saw she a bit of shocked, when I arrived in there. Trying to place her eyes to me... but who cares now. I dont know what she is thinking about, but I dont know why she always try to look at me. Is she mad at me? or the opposite of that? I dont know, and I dont even care to know. Once she look at me, and I look straight into her eyes, well, then... I turned away. After that, she gone. My fren sez she hate me, well, I guess so. However, I dont care anymore, it is her business, not mine. Hope that another cute and nice girl is coming my way... (hoping for some fantasies is not a good thing, dude, better get real *knock knock*).
Uhh...... I think it is enough for today. Not hoping for starfall anymore. Better get real! GBM!

Untitle

Well, I got too many ideas in my brain now. That's why the title is name 'Untitle'. I just watched the 'Kingdom of Heaven'. It is a good movie, though a bit too slow for the plot. But it has deep meaning. The moral behind the movie is 'it is not because of the religion, it is because of personal problem'. Religion never taught you to beat someone or other to make one religion become the 'best' religion. To heaven or hell, is not defined by your religion, but in your mind and heart. The good thing you do, even you are an atheist, it is also good. The heaven and hell, the god is in your heart, not in the sky nor bottom of the sea.
Ok, the second thought is that 'wherever you search for something you eager the most, you will never get it. That little something will find it ways to you'. I thought it is true, why? The example is love, when you search them, they will never find you. But unintentionally, sometimes, the loves find you, but in a very inconvenient times (well, sometimes). That's make thing in this world interesting! Damn it, but that is real.
OK, I think I need to take rest to make my brain clear. GBM!

How to make me happy

Well, everyone want to be happy, rite? Not need any facts to support this. It's plain human nature. Well, how to make me happy exactly? Rite now, I think getting a close friends, preferably a girl, who can share interest, insight and so on, will absolutely please me. But how? I'm sux, no need to ask anyone, aint I?
Hm.. today I'm kinda happy, although a nice companion will be happier for me. But not getting any yet. I paid only 3 coins in bilyard game today, how lucky I was! I saw girls (or preferably a girl) whom interest me. I dont know if I like her or not. But the fact, is I like to watching her. But, maybe that's just a short fling, which easily forgotten in anytime. I will look forward this girl in the next week. If she was on the cafe again, I will surely approach her. Hm.... am I dare? Huh.... well, I dont think I am. Sux again, rite? Hahaha....
Stupid me!

What's inside me?

Huh~? Yesterday, my fren sez that he didnt go out with 'that' girl. Well, I dont know if he fooling me or not, well who knows? I got reunion with my college friends. Well it's fun, but just only several person are there. Just like usual, people are lazy to go to such events, cause usually it is very boring. Well, i think it is OK, not boring, and I get the progress of my fren also. Hm... i'm going to karaoke last night, it's fun, and i scream till my throat hurts. It still hurts today, that's why I rather not talk too much. Today, my other fren treat me and one other fren to a chinese restaurant (dimsum res't). I'm very very full till now. Oh my....
I got one big question: Do I need to approach 'that' girl again or not? I really dont know, I hope that God help me with this, providing answer tru signs or whatever it is to make me clear. It is hurt being rejected by her. And i dont meet her a very long time, maybe 3 weeks? I forgot. Man, i got short term memory loss, i think.
Just looking at trailer of 'Kingdom of Heaven'. Well, collossal movie, eh? Looking forward to see it.

Jealousy?

Well, is that green eye monster reside in me? I dont know. There's something going on tomorrow between my fren and 'that' girl. Uh...... that's boring topic already, but I think it still hot and I'm kinda jealous. Hm.... I dont know, I really really dont know. My fren keeps telling he and 'that' girl, about the secret (well, i dont know if that's a secret or not anymore, as I already know that). She invite him into the movie, watching scary movie thingies (what is in your mind, is exactly what is on my mind) finding chances or whatever it was called. I dont know what exactly is on my fren's mind, as I know he just enjoy the moment. Damn it, I hate to admit it that I hate him. I think it is really hard to forget someone we really care or love anyway. But, I will try it with all my strength, hoping that the God help me too.
Tomorrow morning I will make reunion with my college friends. I hope it's fun. I hope I didnt think about 'that' girl. What is the fun if I still think of the desperation, or frustration. Well, I hope I'm fun. I wondering if I got chance to approach that girl again, how am i feel? Happy? Sad? No response? I dont know. I really really want to meet them and want to see how they react about me if I catch them. But i know that God is not that bad, allowing to make that situation. What such a stupid little guy which wait for a star falling near him. Stupid, really stupid.

Argh....!!!

Yes, argh...!! I really confuse, struggle, and other words that close to frustration. I had really hard time now. I still cant really forget about 'that' girl. I try hard, really hard. But obviously, when I heard something connected my fren with 'that' girl, i tend to frustrated. Feeling that i still connected to her, though, it is not anymore. I really confuse for what I feel right now. No perfect words can describe it. No, I still cant find any. I hope God help me either give me strength to forget this girl, or tie us together. Although, the second choice is rather absurd for me. ARGH!!!!

Brand new life!

I going to start a brand new life here. After quitting my previous job, being too frustrated with the payment things comparing with the workload, it's really unfair to me. Well, i dont want to talk about that anymore, it's hurting me. And I already forget about the job thing. I'm jobless now, but I do wish to has a job, but currently, I dont find any suits me yet.

OK, enough about the job things, I'm kinda frustrated rite now. Problems are so complicated that it's hard to explain it in detail in here. My relationship are done, and it's over. Hurt, yes, but at least I can breathe better now. No more frustation with the complicated things which is no end or no ways to fix it.

I kinda forgeting about 'that' girl and I hope I can really forgetting her. But, i'm kind of sympathize with her. She love the wrong person, forbidden love should not be grown up by any1. This is really bad. If I got moment to warn her, I really want to make her realize that that kind of love is not acceptable. No way loving someone whom already get married. Find other guy who suits you. Though, I cant simply just stop you for loving some1, but that kind of reason is really not acceptable. I hope 'you' understand ASAP. The longer you run along with it, the hurter it become when seperate. It's kind of nature. Well, I'm not hoping to get you anymore, as the nostalgia thing is really hurting me.

Aside 'her', I think I want to make friend with some1 that my fren introduce me. Well, already phoned her, but that's really short conversation. Still not a start yet, but kinda of warming up. I hope God make my road smoother than previous one. Well, I cant commit anything yet, no way to do harsh or make everything fast if it's useless. This girl is rather hard to pleasure. Man, she tend to make her so mysterious to me. My fren sez she is kind and nice, and I hope so, but I dont know yet. Cant decide anything yet. Still too early to make conclusion.

Wow, kind of long blog I got today, well, May God bless me!!! Peace!