Why I am still complaining and on and on

I'm always complaining, make excuses and so on. Why? Why me? and why am i complaining anyway? I try to grab happiness, but it always one step in front of me. Like today, that cute girl, the girl next door (it is), is not show up in the store. I missed her. First time, I thought there's no way I will search out for her. But, the fact, I search out for her. I didnt know if that's love or is it. I thought I will fall for other girl, not her, but seem that i'm wrong. I'm so stupidly wrong.
I longing for a miracle right now. I really need a miracle. Show her to me again. Oh Lord, dont make her far from me.

What am i exactly...

Well, I need to ask God, what am i exactly? Why there are so many opportunity, but i dont grab them, instead, i always let them passed. What am i thinking exactly? SO STUPID OF ME!
This is exactly THAT just passed tru this night. I went to DIES NATALIES (whatever it is, which is ceremony of a local college in my hometown), I'm not their alumnies or student, but I got ticket from my fren. Anyway, everything seem just like usual, nothing happen (weird or extreme), but suddenly, someone grabbed my attention. She is ok, but after a couple times i watch her, it seem like i seen her before. But I dont know where or when. OK, besides the bullshit, I think I like her. But, you know, I always miss the chances (I am the stupid guy, har har har, loser me!).
Well, I dont know if that was still any miracle happen in this earth, if there was, then I beg for this miracle to give me chance *again* to meet this girl.
I always make excuses, that's make me weak. I can talk to her that time, but I pretend that I'm cool. Fuck that cool, fuck that negative thinking! I know that I can, and the God will assist the special way to it. I *really* wait for that miracle, If God still give me chance.